…the parrots begin to jabber

Anyone know why everyone that comments on my blog now looks like they were in a quilting bee?  What’s with the designs?

I usually eat lunch with a buddy from work.  I’ll call him “Denton”.  Denton has a habit of picking up the free daily rag here in Nashville, “The City Paper”.  You have one in your town.  We always wind up at “Ask Amy”.  She writes for the Tribune and is syndicated here.  Pretty amazing stuff.  I’m going to do Amy a favor.  Take a look at the actual letter below.

DEAR AMY: Please explain why my husband would choose to drink and party over being with his family. We are at the point of divorce because of his drinking and all that comes with it. He chooses to drink with friends every weekend and at various times during the week. I have begged and pleaded with him to spend more time with his family. 

Please help. - Confused in Ohio

What?  I’ll take this one, A. 

Dear Confused,

On first glance, you seem like kind of a bitch.  You started this letter with “please explain why”.  That sentence alone sounds like a few hundred fingernails on a chalkboard.  Then I have begged and pleaded with him to spend more time with his family.  I’ll interpret this for America.  “I’ve bitched and nagged every moment he is in the house from the time he gets home from work all the way out to his truck to go drink and he still doesn’t want to stay at home.”

Confused, I have spent time in Ohio.  Long enough to receive mail in Ohio.  I know Ohio.  This man doesn’t respect you.  You need to grab him firmly by the mullet and explain to him why you want him home.  Take him across the Ohio River to the Dub Vee.  Show him West Virginia’s vast array of tar paper shacks.  Then back home for the good life.  Let him know it could be (somewhat) worse.

Or just develop a drinking problem and have ’em cold when gets home.  Either way.    

Sincerely, thefullbug