A few things I learned in December

Santa Claus IS real.  I know this because I stood behind him waiting to pee.  No mortal man would be able to go that long!  Lay off the eggnog, Nick!

$95.00 a night does not cover the high cost of local phone calls at the N. Little Rock Hampton Inn.    

When commenting on the “Introducing the vanilla Frosty” sign at Wendy’s, congratulating the dude at the window for inventing the vanilla shake is funnier to you than him. 

The Arizona State band has the most homo looking uniforms I’ve ever seen on a marching band.  Looks kind of like a local cable access gay super hero TV show outfit.     

Mike and Mike and Jesus

While listening to ESPN radio this morning I heard Mike Greenberg wish Peter Gammons a Merry Christmas.  Two things immediately came to mind.  It was good to hear that people in the media will occasionally still say a centuries old holiday greeting and that the only time I heard it this year was from a Jewish guy from New York.  Is this some new angle on the only black people can say the “n” word idea?  If you are a Christian you can’t say it because you’re imposing your intolerance on others but if you are a Jew, that’s fine because you’re going home to light a menorah later?  Or could it be that a Jewish guy was talking to another American that likely celebrates a holiday celebrated by a gigantic majority of the country and wanted to wish him and his family a good Christmas?  Probably.  Hmmm Defender of my faith, Mike Greenberg?  That’s fine.  I’ll take it where I can get it.   

Merry Christmas!

Skydiving no longer does it for you?

Calling all of those thrill seeker types! 

Fresh off their “burning down the house” performance in Rhode Island, Great White is taking their thrill ride overseas.  This is really kind of like X-Games for 80’s metal fans.  SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!  BE THERE!  AS GREAT WHITE PLAYS LIVE!  

In my stand-up days, I got more boos AND laughs with a bit about these dudes.  It was tasteful.  As tasteful as a stand up bit about Great White burning mullets off of dozens of fans can be.  

I can see the concert flyers now…  GREAT WHITE Live!  What are you?  Chicken?    

Great White announce the European tour in support to the release of their album Back To The Rhythm.
January 25, 2008 Copenhagen, DENMARK The Rock
January 26, 2008 Helmond, HOLLAND Club Plato
January 28, 2008 Newcastle, UK Carling Academy
January 30, 2008 Glasgow, UK The Cat House
January 31, 2008 Wolverhampton, UK Robin 2
February 1, 2008 Southampton, UK The Brook
February 2, 2008 London, UK Sheperds Bush Empire
February 6, 2008 Madrid, SPAIN Heineken
February 7, 2008 Barcelona, SPAIN The Apollo
February 9, 2008 Pratteln, SWITZERLAND Z-7
February 10, 2008 Piacenza, ITALY TBA
February 11, 2008 Treviso, ITALY TBA
February 13, 2008 Stockholm, SWEDEN Debaser
February 14, 2008 Malmö, SWEDEN KB

No truth to reports that Sammy Hagar was seen fleeing from scene with a fire hydrant wrench

Click here for article

Van Halen’s home was reportedly the only one to be damaged.

A few of my favorite search terms to get to my blog from today.

I think number one would almost automatically take care of number two.

Saturday college football notes (during SEC championship game)

Watching (at the moment anyway) more orange shirts in LSU’s backfield than white.  Can’t help but think that Les Miles is Michigan bound.  ESPN reported that he accepted the job early in the day.  Miles held an impromptu press conference this afternoon announcing that he is the coach of LSU and will be next year.  Even money says that he replaces Saban who replaced Tuberville as the biggest liar in college football’s coaching ranks.  I say look for him to be in tears after a loss in Ann Arbor shouting the same brilliant things that came to mind when he was at Oklahoma State.  “I’d go to war with these men any day!”  Blah, blah, blah

Speaking of nutballs from Stillwater, OK… Fox Sports Net reported this AM that Oklahoma State gave a one year extension to head coach, Mike Gundy.  He’s a man.  He’s 40.  He still has a job.  Next?  Well, beat the Sooners.  Gundy never has as a player or a coach.  If he doesn’t soon, he may have to light himself on fire at a press conference to keep his job.  Advice?  Don’t pull that trick yet.  Next year, juggle for a while.  Build up to the fire thing.  Remember, you’re just 40.  You’ve got a lot of losing to Oklahoma left in you.   

“3/4 of this is inaccarate” but  100% of this video is still funny!