This still in: Leona Helmsley still dead

Looks like I owe an apology to all those Leona Helmsley touched over the years. As an update to an earlier post, I guess she wasn’t just a jackass.  She may have been a crazy jackass.  Please accept my apologies to all those that mourn this dear woman.

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NEW YORK (AP)- Leona Helmsley’s dog will continue to live an opulent life, and then be buried alongside her in a mausoleum. But two of Helmsley’s grandchildren got nothing from the late luxury hotelier and real estate billionaire’s estate.

Helmsley left her beloved white Maltese, named Trouble, a $12 million trust fund, according to her will, which was made public Tuesday in surrogate court.  She also left millions for her brother, Alvin Rosenthal, who was named to care for Trouble in her absence, as well as two of four grandchildren from her late son Jay Panzirer — so long as they visit their father’s grave site once each calendar year.

Otherwise, she wrote, neither will get a penny of the $5 million she left for each.Helmsley left nothing to two of Jay Panzirer’s other children — Craig and Meegan Panzirer — for “reasons that are known to them,” she wrote.

But no one made out better than Trouble, who once appeared in ads for the Helmsley Hotels, and lived up to her name by biting a housekeeper.“I direct that when my dog, Trouble, dies, her remains shall be buried next to my remains in the Helmsley mausoleum,” Helmsley wrote in her will.

The mausoleum, she ordered, must be “washed or steam-cleaned at least once a year.” She left behind $3 million for the upkeep of her final resting place in Westchester County, where she is buried with her husband, Harry Helmsley.

She ordered that cash from sales of the Helmsley’s residences and belongings, reported to be worth billions, be sold and that the money be given to the Leona M. and Harry B. Helmsley Charitable Trust.Her longtime spokesman, Howard Rubenstein, had no comment.

Helmsley died earlier this month at her Connecticut home. She became known as a symbol of 1980s greed and earned the nickname “the Queen of Mean” after her 1988 indictment and subsequent conviction for tax evasion. One employee had quoted her as snarling, “Only the little people pay taxes.”

(Fingers in ears) LA LA la la la la I can’t hear you! LA LA LA la la la la These donuts are health food. The article said so!

Up next? Ice cream stuffed fried chicken on the Jenny Craig menu! Yummmmmmm!

Liberal Views, Black Victims

I hate blog sites that just cut and paste articles. Everythime I see them I think I could find that stuff myself.  So, I aploligize for this. However, from what you’ll read below, you’ll read why Walter E. WIlliams is getting harder to find.  Black men that have the courage to point at the emperior and expose him as naked are rare and getting more so.    

Last year, among the nation’s 10 largest cities, Philadelphia had the highest murder rate with 406 victims. This year could easily top last year’s with 240 murders so far.

Other cities such as Baltimore, Detroit and Washington, D.C., with large black populations, experience the nation’s highest rates of murder and violent crime. This high murder rate is, and has been, predominantly a black problem.

According to Bureau of Justice statistics, between 1976 and 2005, blacks, while 13 percent of the population, committed over 52 percent of the nation’s homicides and were 46 percent of the homicide victims. Ninety-four percent of black homicide victims had a black person as their murderer.

Blacks are not only the major victims of homicide; blacks suffer high rates of all categories of serious violent crime, and another black is most often the perpetrator.

Liberals and their political allies say the problem is the easy accessibility of guns and greater gun control is the solution. That has to be nonsense. Guns do not commit crimes; people do.

Up through 1979, the FBI reported homicide arrests sorted by racial breakdowns that included Japanese. Between 1976 and 1978, 21 of 48,695 arrests for murder and non-negligent manslaughter were Japanese-Americans. That translates to an annual murder rate of 1 per 100,000 of the Japanese-American population. Would anyone advance the argument that the reason why homicide is virtually nonexistent among Japanese-Americans is because they can’t find guns?

The high victimization rate experienced by the overwhelmingly law-abiding black community is mostly the result of predators not having to pay a heavy enough price for their behavior. They benefit from all kinds of asinine excuses, such as poverty, racial discrimination and few employment opportunities.

During the 1940s and ’50s, I grew up in North Philadelphia where many of today’s murders occur. It was a time when blacks were much poorer, there was far more racial discrimination, and fewer employment opportunities and other opportunities for upward socioeconomic mobility were available. There was nowhere near the level of crime and wanton destruction that exists today. Behavior accepted today wasn’t accepted then by either black adults or policemen.

Police authorities often know who are the local criminals and drug lords and where crack houses are located; however, various legal technicalities hamper their ability to make arrests and raids. Law-abiding citizens are often afraid to assist police or testify against criminals for fear of retaliation that can include murder. The level of criminal activity not only puts residents in physical jeopardy but represents a heavy tax on people least able to bear it. That heavy tax includes higher prices for goods and services and fewer shopping opportunities because supermarkets and other large retailers are reluctant to bear the costs of doing business in high-crime areas.

So here’s the question: Should black people accept government’s dereliction of its first basic function, that of providing protection? My answer is no. One of our basic rights is the right to defend oneself against predators. If the government can’t or won’t protect people, people have a right to protect themselves.

You say, “Hey, Williams, you’re not talking about vigilantism, are you?” Yes, I am. Webster’s Dictionary defines vigilantism as: a volunteer committee organized to suppress and punish crime summarily as when the processes of law are viewed as inadequate.

Example: A number of years ago, Black Muslims began to patrol Mayfair, a drug-infested, gang-ridden Washington, D.C., housing project. The gangs and drug lords left, probably because the Black Muslims didn’t feel obliged to issue Miranda warnings. Black men should set up neighborhood patrols, armed if necessary, and if politicians and police don’t like it, they should do their jobs. No one should have to live in daily fear for their lives and safety.

Walter E. Williams is a professor of economics at George Mason University. To find out more about Walter E. Williams and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

This just in: The feds love irony!

50 Pit Bulls at Vick’s House could be euthanized

RICHMOND, Va. (AP)- More than 50 pit bulls seized from Michael Vick’s property face a Thursday deadline to be claimed. If no one comes forward, they could be euthanized.

Federal prosecutors filed court documents last month to condemn 53 pit bulls seized in April as part of the investigation into dogfighting on the Vick’s property. No one has claimed any of the dogs, which are being held at several unspecified shelters in eastern Virginia, the U.S. Attorney’s office said Wednesday.

Linked story above.

I guess all the ACME flying bat costumes were sold out

All of my great ideas were inspired from cartoons too.  Check out these dudes.  This is an almost heroic act of cunning, planning, and precision.  

GOLDEN, Colo. (Reuters) – In a crime that harkens back to Colorado’s rowdy frontier past, two men have been accused of plotting to kill a man with rattlesnakes to recover a poker debt, authorities said Tuesday.

There’s poker, rattlesnakes and unsavory characters,” said Lance Clem, spokesman for the Colorado Bureau of Investigation.

The pair allegedly hatched a plot to cobble a box filled with rattlesnakes and somehow get Sowash to step into the box with the venomous snakes.

The plot was not carried out, but authorities uncovered it while investigating Sowash’s business, which contracts with bars to conduct poker games. Investigators suspect that the business was illegally charging customers an entry fee.

Steelman was charged Tuesday with one count of conspiracy to commit first-degree murder, one count of conspiracy to kidnap, and extortion, while Beck was arrested in New Mexico and is awaiting extradition to Colorado.

In a surprising twist later (from the end of the article)… “Clem said all the parties involved have criminal histories.”

Can’t wait to see the burqa portion of the Miss America pagent.

British prison officers who wore a St. George’s Cross tie-pin have been advised by groups to remove them over concerns about the symbol’s “racist” connotations.

The pins showing the English flag – which has often raised hackles due to its connection with the Crusades of the 11th, 12th and 13th centuries – could be “misconstrued,” Chief Inspector of Prisons Anne Owers said in a section on race in a report on a jail in the northern English city of Wakefield.

Chris Doyle, director of the Council for the Advancement of Arab-British Understanding, said Tuesday “The red cross was an insensitive reminder of the Crusades… it was now time for England to find a new flag and a patron saint who is “not associated with our bloody past and one we can all identify with.”

Reading this makes you think that the Europeans really deserve what they get. Spain shows that they will tolerate Muslim extremists in their government and people start dying in their train stations. While England stands by and slowly watches the sun set on the Empire.  

Then I see this. I guess we can’t wait to hand our America over to the PC crowd and welcome these peace loving, misunderstood people with open arms!   

Take not the Jews and Christians for friends. They are friends one to another. He among you who takes them for friends is one of them. Lo! Allah guids not these wrongdoing people. From the Quran (Surah 5:51) 

Welcome neighbors! Come right on in.      

You suppose they like to buy shoes too?

This just in! Hurry, hurry! Click here and learn something!

Maybe this is why scarves, purses and high heel shoes can be found in this color and not so many 10 gallon cowboy hats, jock straps, and power tools.

What next?  Are they going to try to explain why my 5 year old little girl wags a baby doll around the house while perfectly good screwdrivers, football helmets, and baseball bats litter the garage? 

But what about all the good things she did?

Leona Helmsley (July 4, 1920 – August 20, 2007) 

NEW YORK (AP) - Leona Helmsley, the cutthroat hotel magnate whose title as the “queen of mean” was sealed during a tax evasion case in which she was quoted as snarling “only little people pay taxes,” died Monday at age 87.

Helmsley died of heart failure at her summer home in Greenwich, Conn., said her publicist, Howard Rubenstein.

Heart failure?  Huh, who knew?

Thefullbug does math or… excuses for the profoundly anti-social

I hate parties. Why stand in a room full of people I don’t know with nothing I can think of to say to any of them (or even a room full of people I know but see all the time anyway), when I can stay at home with loud rock n roll on the stereo or a baseball game on the tube or a nice quiet book to read?

A common ploy used by friends in attempts to get me to attend their parties is to inform me that there will be free beer. For instance, a friend of a friend recently invited me to his wife’s baby shower this coming weekend by saying that the men would be in the basement drinking free beer. Aside from the fact that one of the privileges afforded the single male is that he is not required to attend bridal or baby showers, I felt it was my duty to expose Free Booze at Parties for the shite that it is.

Take the friend with the baby shower. Is it truly free to drink his beer? Well, there is no cover charge and he won’t be charging for each bottle of Molson, but what about the cost of getting to his free beer? He lives across town, so I would drive to his house. The round-trip mileage comes out to 9.4 miles. If we take the standard IRS 2006 mileage rate (based on an annual study that calculates the fixed and variable cost of operating an automobile) of $0.36 per mile, we come up with the following calculation: 9.4 miles x $0.36/mile = $3.39 

So if I go to my friend’s party and drink one beer or ten beers, it will still cost me $3.39. But let’s assume I’m a responsible citizen and have three beers so that I am able to drive home safely.

Now let’s look at how much it costs to drink purchased beer at home. Let’s say I follow a general pattern and have on stock some tasty Pete’s bottles. I purchased them for $15.32 a case including tax. The cost breaks out to $0.64 per bottle. (Note: the mileage cost associated with purchasing this beer does not enter the calculation as it is part of my ordinary mileage. Mileage to a party is extraordinary and is hence treated as a cost.) If I have the same amount of three beers that I would have had at my friend’s party, the cost is as follows: 3 beers x $0.64/beer = $1.92

Hmmm it actually costs less to stay home and drink beer I paid for myself than it is to go to my friend’s and drink “free” beer. In fact, I could stay home, drink two more beers (5 beers = $3.20 total cost), it would still cost me less and I’d get a nice beer buzz before I went out to mow.

Who says Offerman can’t hit right handed pitching?

BRIDGEPORT, Conn. (AP) – Former All-Star Jose Offerman was arrested Tuesday night after charging the mound and hitting the pitcher and catcher with his bat during an independent minor league game. Bridgeport police said Offerman was arrested, but did not detail the charge. Police said he posted bond.

Offerman, playing for the Long Island Ducks in the Atlantic League, homered in the first inning. The next inning, he was hit by a pitch from Bridgeport’s Matt Beech and charged the mound with his bat.

Offerman hit Beech in the hands and struck catcher John Nathans in the head.

The game was delayed for about 20 minutes because of the melee. Offerman, Beech and Bridgeport manager and former major league pitcher Tommy John were all ejected.

I wondered what happened to Tommy John.

Hey Paul Harvey, I already have your copy ready. Just read this.

Got this story from a buddy at work.

That is Deplorable! Imagine if we did that in the US! Imagine trucking thousands of innocent, delicious cows to slaughter daily to make tasty hamburgers. We wouldn’t stand for it. Oh, wait. Nevermind.

The Koreans have made a decision that eating dogs is more appealing than the world knowing that these little people like to eat dogs. They’ve made their decision. Now send them little dudes some strays! I fail to see the problem. It’s a win/win. India gets their stray dog problem fixed. Korea gets more dog in their diet. We get to point out that they really seem to enjoy a big, hot, steaming plate of chow, I mean dog. Well, maybe chow. Who knows? I mean… they’re eating dog.

Now, when you Koreans decide to start eating children, come get that *&$%ing kid next door that keeps riding his bike in my yard.

130 ringgit for dentures? Outrageous! I knew he was fake. His magazines were new.

Reading about Liar number 1 yesterday reminded me of one of my favorite liars ever which reminded me of one of the greatest liars to ever come up with an idea in the 8th grade and actually see it happen!

Imus say, blog readers, Snoop Dogg makes a really, really stupid point (or… “nappy headed ho” really pissed)

Here they come.

Details of the first lawsuit against shock jock, Don Imus were revealed on Tuesday. Kia Vaughn of the Rutgers women’s basketball team claims that Imus’ comments on the morning of April 4 defamed her.  ”Don Imus referred to my client as an unchaste woman.” said attorney, Richard Ancowitz (no doubt still breathless from his morning ambulance chasing). Makes you wonder what’s on Ms. Vaughn’s MP3 player. These aren’t comments common to a certain community? 

Speaking of- Quick to weigh in, Snoop D-O-double-G I mean “Mr. Dogg”, was interviewed by MTV News. Let that sentence soak in.  Snoop, MTV News… Good lord.  Below is the goodness. 

“First of all,” Mr. Dogg elaborated, “we ain’t no old-ass white men that sit up on MSNBC going hard on black girls. We are rappers that have these songs coming from our minds and our souls that are relevant to what we feel. I will not let them muthaf—as say we in the same league as him.”

Snoop had a punishment in mind for Mr. Imus.“Kick him off the air forever,” said Mr. Dogg. “Ban him like they did ‘Pacman’ Jones. They kicked him out the League for the whole season, but this punk gets to get on the air and call black women ‘nappy-headed ho’s.’”

Incidentally, Mr. Dogg today pleaded no contest to felony charges from October for transportation of marijuana and possession of a firearm. He was sentenced to five years of probation and 800 hours of community service.

There you go, Don.  You and the other media libs made this PC web.  Write that check, man.  Which part of this story is funny again?

Papers in order? New Hillary ad playing in Iowa.

“Americans from all walks of life across our country may be invisible to this president, but they’re not invisible to me, and they won’t be invisible to the next president of the United States,” Hillary Clinton in her first presidential campaign TV commercial.Chilling.

That’s the concern, Hill. I want to be as invisible to this government. Remember your husband? BTU tax, how many toilets do you have, “usage” tax, wind energy production tax, tax, tax, tax? You know… those. Then there’s this chick and her national healthcare plan where we all get a card and get an assigned number and free healthcare like Canada! I actually don’t mind that stupid idea, Hil. What government agency will run this? The Post Office? You people are great at creating forms and lists and documents and charts, and … I can’t even finish this! I am too excited just thinking about a DMV styled line line waiting to see my dentist with an impacted tooth. Where do I sign up?   

Guess who’s back in circulation!

Announcement yesterday. Van Halen (sort of / minus Michael Anthony) to tour in Fall of 2007. The Full Bug has offered its services to you, the TFB reader. Below is installment 1 (of 12) of every Van Halen song ranked from greatest to uh, well, not greatest. TFB considered starting with the last ten and going up the list but we’re getting right to dessert today. Rest of the list coming later this week.

Top 10 van halen songs

This just in! Late breaking news about a washed up ’80’s hair band! Hurry!

So, they’re suing for this but not for this?   

“We told you!  Yes, we’ll pose for your transvestite magazine cover but we won’t do anymore reality TV.”

Aren’t we at war or something?

Polly wants a f’ing cracker

Washington cops get lost, confused, and kind of hungry while making a pot bust.

You be asleep right after Anderson Cooper, mister.

Had dinner with some friends this week.  One of them is in a touring Christian rock band. We were talking about mission trips, toilet paper, our old high schools, and we heard a cool story about something that happened to him this week.  The subject soon turned to politics.  After admitting that he doesn’t know much about politics, he leans back to proclaim something political. I wasn’t really listening. His wife then said; “When do you watch those shows? We don’t watch them. We don’t have cable. That’s probably what you’re doing on the road in your hotel room. I don’t think I like that.” 

Relaaaaax, Mrs. Rock Star. It could be worse than a little Hannity and Colmes.  Exhibit: A, B, and C

You make the punchline

News headline on UPI today

Sexual assault alleged at Playboy mansion <– Click that! Click that!

I screamed

Another service of thebug. The update to a prev post.  

Dear Mr. Dry,

Thank you for contacting us with your question.  Please note that at Blue Bunny, we take great care to insure that we provide the best quality to our customers.  Your letter is appreciated and we have checked into the problem.

Our quality control department has determined that the problem may have come from the processing portion of manufacturing. The machines that produce the Neapolitan product are calibrated twice a week. If this was at the end of the cycle, it is possible that the portions were not even. This will be addressed at the next quality control meeting.

Thank you very much for your letter and giving us a chance to keep your business. Please continue to enjoy our frozen dessert novelties and ice cream on us. Enclosed, you’ll find coupons.

Harold [last name] 

Blue Bunny